Works

Well, then! How'd you like to bear the name of Butler
As an honor badge eight centuries at least,
And then have the Prohibitionists inform you
That a butler is a sort of outlawed beast?

Twain? Oh, yes, I've heard Mark Twain
Heard him down to Pleasant Plain;
Funny? Yes, I guess so. Folks
Seemed to laugh loud at his jokes,
Laughed to beat the band; but I
Couldn't rightly make out why....

The cruelty of P. L. Brown
(He had ten toes as good as mine)
Was known to every one in town,
And, if he never harmed a noun,
He loved to make verbs shriek and whine.
...

Mary had a little frog
And it was water-soaked,
But Mary did not keep it long
Because, of course, it croaked!

Little cullud Rastus come a-skippin' down de street,
A-smilin' and a-grinnin' at every one he meet;
My, oh! He was happy! Boy, but was he gay!
Wishin' 'Merry Chris'mus' an' 'Happy New-Year's Day'!...

(with apologies to Frederic Taber Cooper)

I well recall (and who does not)
The circus bill-board hippopotamus,
whose wide distended jaws
For fear and terror were good cause.
...

Captain O'Hare was a mariner brave;
He refused to abandon his ship;
A hero, he sleeps in a watery grave,
And his widow is now Mrs. Bipp,
Haw! Haw!
His widow is now Mrs. Bipp!
...

A full-fledged gun cannot endure
The trifling of an amateur;
Poor marksmanship its temper spoils
And this is why the gun recoils.

A self-respecting gun I'm sure
Delights to jar the amateur...

You have heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay
That was built in such a logical way
It ran a hundred years to a day.
And then, of a sudden, it up and bust,
And all that was left was a mound of dust?...

The Cowboy had a sterling heart,
The Maiden was from Boston,
The Rancher saw his wealth depart
The Steers were what he lost on.

The Villain was a banker's limb,
His spats and cane were nifty;...