Works

Said Sue to her suitor:
"You'll get a new suit, or
I'll sue for a suitor to suit."
"Why Sue," said her suitor
Who tried hard to suit her,
"Your suitor is suited to suit."

Mary had a little lamb,
The lamb was always buttin'
So Mary killed the little lamb
And turned him into mutton.

Maud Muller on a summer's day,
Raked the meadows, sweet with hay.
Nor was this just a grand-stand play;
Maud got a rake-off, so they say.

(By A. Turkey Gobbler.)


I'm just a turkey gobbler,
But I've got a word to say
And I'd like to say it quickly
Before I pass away,
For I will get it in the neck
Upon Thanksgiving Day....

There was once an eccentric old coon,
Who ate dynamite with a spoon,
But when he got loaded
The powder exploded--
And now there's a coon in the moon.

Have you ever mused in silence upon a summer's day
And let your thoughts run riot and your feelings have full sway,
As you sprawled full length upon the grass in some secluded dell...

Good people if you have the mumps,
Or ever get down with the dumps;
Or have bad cold or aching pains,
Or ever suffer with chilblains--
Don't seek your doctor for advice,...

What a difference in the morning
When you try to raise your head;
When your eyelids seem so heavy
You could swear they were of lead;
When your tongue is thickly coated
And you have an awful thirst;...

Far back within an age remote,
Which common history fails to note,
When dogs could talk, and pigs could sing,
And frogs obeyed a wooden king,
There lived a tribe of rats so mean,...

In days gone by, the poets wrote
Sweet verses to the ladies fair;
Described the nightingale's clear note,
Or penned an Ode to Daphne's hair.

To dare all for a woman's smile...

In days gone by, when cows could fly
And goblins rode on bears;
When fairies danced upon the green
And giants moped in lairs,
There lived alone upon a shelf
A tinsie, winsie little elf.
...