Works

Said Sue to her suitor:
"You'll get a new suit, or
I'll sue for a suitor to suit."
"Why Sue," said her suitor
Who tried hard to suit her,
"Your suitor is suited to suit."

I never saw a loaf of bread
Conspicuous in its purity,
But that I sadly shook my head
And left five-cents as surety.

A night when witches skim the air,
When spooks and goblins climb the stair;
When bats rush out with muffled wings,
And now and then the door-bell rings;
But just the funniest thing of all...

An impudent Barbary ape
Once tried on a lady's new cape.
As he gave a big grin,
The lady came in,
And--his children are still wearing crepe.

Sprig, Sprig--Oh lovely Sprig!
Oh, hast thou cub to stay?
Add wilt the little birdies sig
Throughout the livelog day?
What bessage dost thou brig to be,
Fair Lady of by dreabs--...

Take up the household burden,
No iron rule of kings,
But make your family understand
That you are running things,
Don't storm around and bluster,
And don't get mad and swear...

(Man's Inhumanity to Hogs Makes Countless Thousands Squeal.)


I lived upon a little farm,
A happy hog was I,
I never dreamed of any harm
Nor ever thought to die.
...

Ah, somewhere in another world
There is a warmer spot,
Where the fire is burning always.
And always it is hot;
And always fiends are shouting,
And always flames are blue,
And always Satan's asking:...

There was a girl in our town
Who dearly loved to flirt,
But the home folks never noticed it at all.
The women in the neighborhood
All said she was too pert,
But she never even noticed them at all.
...