Works

Say, I like toys,
Christmas toys.
Remember when we were boys
Long ago?
Then you were a kid
Not a beau.
And on Christmas Day,
Oh, say,
We got up in the dark
And had a jolly lark...

A college professor one day
Was fishing in Chesapeake Bay;
Said a crab to his mate,
"Let's kick off the bait,
This business is too old to pay."

(What the Little Boy Thought.)


If I had wings just like a bird
Do you know what I'd do?
I'd fly way up into the sky
An' holler down at you.

I'd fly along the Milky Way...

(After Ben King, Dedicated to E. Jesse Conway.)


If I were City Editor
And you should come to my cold desk and choke,
And say, "Old man I'm actually dead broke."
I say, if I were City Editor,...

There was once an eccentric old coon,
Who ate dynamite with a spoon,
But when he got loaded
The powder exploded--
And now there's a coon in the moon.

A maddened horse comes down the street,
With waving mane and flying feet.
The crowd scatters in every direction;
It looks like a fight at a city election.
A big policeman waves his hands,...

Sprig, Sprig--Oh lovely Sprig!
Oh, hast thou cub to stay?
Add wilt the little birdies sig
Throughout the livelog day?
What bessage dost thou brig to be,
Fair Lady of by dreabs--...

A seedy young man in Savanah
Fell in love with a rich girl named Anna,
But her papa got mad
And swore that "By Gad,
The fellow shall never Havana!"

But the couple eloped to Caracas,...

With a clatter and a jangle,
And a wrangle and a screech,
How the old alarm clock wheezes
As it sneezes out of reach!
How you groan and yawn and stretch
In the chilly morning air,...

O, the circus parade! O, the circus parade!
It lays all the politics back in the shade,
And the merchants forget that they've got any trade,
While many remember they've never been paid...

Oh, let's go out to the county fair
And breathe the balmy country air,
And whittle a stick and look at the hosses,
Discuss the farmer's profit and losses.

We'll take a look at the country stock...

May the day that gave Christ birth
Bring you boundless joy and mirth,
Fill the golden hours with gladness,
Raise no thought to cause you sadness.

In days gone by, the poets wrote
Sweet verses to the ladies fair;
Described the nightingale's clear note,
Or penned an Ode to Daphne's hair.

To dare all for a woman's smile...

There was a girl in our town
Who dearly loved to flirt,
But the home folks never noticed it at all.
The women in the neighborhood
All said she was too pert,
But she never even noticed them at all.
...