Works

Said Sue to her suitor:
"You'll get a new suit, or
I'll sue for a suitor to suit."
"Why Sue," said her suitor
Who tried hard to suit her,
"Your suitor is suited to suit."

I never saw a loaf of bread
Conspicuous in its purity,
But that I sadly shook my head
And left five-cents as surety.

He led her out across the sand,
And by her side did sit:
He asked to hold her little hand,
She sweetly answered, "Nit."

Old Mother Hubbard
She went to the cupboard,
To find a nice bone for her dog.
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare,
And now they are both on the hog.

Here's to dear Ould Ireland,
Here's to the Irish lass,
Here's to Dennis and Mike and Pat,
Here's to the sparkling glass.
Here's to the Irish copper,
He may be green all right,...

'Twas on the f-f-f-first of April D-D-Day,
W-w-w-when Nature s-s-smiled and all w-w-was gay,
And I--w-w-why I was in a w-w-whirl,
'C-c-cause I w-w-was w-w-walking w-w-with my g-g-girl.
...

A funny thing once happened to a German from Berlin,
For once he got too gay and seized a swordfish by the fin,
This made the big fish angry, and he sawed the German's chin....

Ting-ling--"South, please, 1085;
Why hello, Jim--Oh, Saints alive!
It's south, I told you--hello; no,
I said once that I could not go.

"Say, can you meet me there tonight?...

I never walk along the street
Because I haven't any feet;
Nor is this strange when I repeat
That I am but a garden beet.

Mary had a little lamb,
The lamb was always buttin'
So Mary killed the little lamb
And turned him into mutton.

Say, I like toys,
Christmas toys.
Remember when we were boys
Long ago?
Then you were a kid
Not a beau.
And on Christmas Day,
Oh, say,
We got up in the dark
And had a jolly lark...

A college professor one day
Was fishing in Chesapeake Bay;
Said a crab to his mate,
"Let's kick off the bait,
This business is too old to pay."

(After Walt Whitman.)


That light, that white, that weird, uncanny substance we call snow
Is slowly sifting through the bare branches--and ever and anon...

There was once a young man quite erratic
Who lived all alone in an attic,
He wrote magazine verse
That made editors curse,
But his friends thought it fine and dramatic.

I hate the fellow who sits around
And knocks the livelong day--
Who tells of the work he might have done;
If things had come his way.
But I love the fellow who pushes ahead...

A night when witches skim the air,
When spooks and goblins climb the stair;
When bats rush out with muffled wings,
And now and then the door-bell rings;
But just the funniest thing of all...

An impudent Barbary ape
Once tried on a lady's new cape.
As he gave a big grin,
The lady came in,
And--his children are still wearing crepe.

(What the Little Boy Thought.)


If I had wings just like a bird
Do you know what I'd do?
I'd fly way up into the sky
An' holler down at you.

I'd fly along the Milky Way...

(After Ben King, Dedicated to E. Jesse Conway.)


If I were City Editor
And you should come to my cold desk and choke,
And say, "Old man I'm actually dead broke."
I say, if I were City Editor,...

The Incubus.


The way was dark within the gloomy church-yard,
As I wandered through the woodland near the stream,
With slow and heavy tread
Through a city of the dead,...