There was an Old Man of the West, Who never could get any rest; So they set him to spin, On his nose find his chin, Which cured that Old Man of the West.
There was an Old Person of Anerley, Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly; He rushed down the Strand, With a Pig in each hand, But returned in the evening to Anerley.
There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy; Some she killed with a thump, Some she drowned at the pump, And some she took with her to Troy.
There was an Old Man of Berlin, Whose form was uncommonly thin; Till he once, by mistake, Was mixed up in a cake, So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, Who made a remarkable curtsey; She twirled round and round, Till she sunk underground, Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.
There was an Old Person of Spain, Who hated all trouble and pain; So he sate on a chair, With his feet in the air, That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
There was a Young Lady of Russia, Who screamed so that no one could hush her; Her screams were extreme, No one heard such a scream, As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
There was an Old Man, who said, "Well! Will NOBODY answer this bell? I have pulled day and night, Till my hair has grown white, But nobody answers this bell!"
There was a Young Lady of Wales, Who caught a large fish without scales; When she lifted her hook, She exclaimed, "Only look!" That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.
There was an Old Person of Cheadle, Was put in the stocks by the beadle; For stealing some pigs, Some coats, and some wigs, That horrible Person of Cheadle.
There was a Young Lady of Welling, Whose praise all the world was a-telling; She played on the harp, And caught several carp, That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.
There was an Old Person of Tartary, Who divided his jugular artery; But he screeched to his wife, And she said, "Oh, my life! Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"
There was an old Person of Chester, Whom several small children did pester; They threw some large stones, Which broke most of his bones, And displeased that old person of Chester.
There was an Old Man with an owl, Who continued to bother and howl; He sate on a rail, And imbibed bitter ale, Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.
There was an Old Person of Gretna, Who rushed down the crater of Etna; When they said, "Is it hot?" He replied, "No, it's not!" That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
Calico pie, The little birds fly Down to the calico-tree: Their wings were blue, And they sang "Tilly-loo!" Till away they flew; And they never came back to me!...
There was a young person of Bantry, Who frequently slept in the pantry; When disturbed by the mice, She appeased them with rice, That judicious young person of Bantry.
There was an old person of Bromley, Whose ways were not cheerful or comely; He sate in the dust, Eating spiders and crust, That unpleasing old person of Bromley.
There was an old man of Thermopylae, Who never did anything properly; But they said, "If you choose To boil eggs in your shoes, You shall never remain in Thermopylae."